Sunday, 26 February 2023

What to Do When Siblings Disagree About Care for Ageing Parents

There are many factors that can contribute to disagreements when it comes to making caregiving decisions in the best interest of Mom or Dad. Disagreements can arise when the sibling carrying most of the Caregiver role feels as if the other siblings aren’t vested in their parents’ care. Other triggers include financial decisions, caregiver burnout, stress; even sibling rivalry can play a part.

It is very natural to feel strongly about your opinion and feel angry or threatened when others disagree. Disputes among siblings are very common when it comes to providing care for an elderly parent.

So, what do you do when you disagree on what’s best for Mom or Dad? Here are a few pointers that will hopefully lead you and your siblings in the right direction.

Spend Quality Time with Mom or Dad

Siblings that live out of town, or who aren’t as involved in the caregiver role, need to experience firsthand what the primary caregiver experiences daily. Start by planning a trip to spend one on one time with your elderly parents. If possible, stay with your parents so that you can see their care needs up close and personal. This will help open your eyes to the care needs your parents have, as well as give the primary sibling caregiver a break. You may also see a potential solution that your sibling hasn’t thought of that might alleviate some of the burden.

Talk It Out

Arrange a time for the immediate family to have a conversation about Mom or Dad’s care needs. Once you’re all gathered, let the sibling who is juggling most of the caregiving tasks share everything she does for Mom or Dad. When you’re not the one stopping to pick up groceries for your parents after work or missing a child’s event because Mom or Dad needs to get to the doctor, it’s difficult to realise how much time is devoted to the caregiver role. Make a list of all the care needs Mom or Dad have now, and potential care needs they may have down the road. Then plan as a family to meet those needs.

Talk to someone outside the family

If things become too tough, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. There are professional care managers and mediators who can offer advice on how to resolve family disputes. They specialise in resolving conflicts and facilitating negotiations between disputing family members. A mediator doesn’t tell the parties what to do or decide the solutions for them. Rather, they’ll help you see things from a different point of view and reach your own negotiated agreements.

Employ outside help

As a family caregiver, you may be expecting too much of yourself and/or your siblings. Admitting that you may need further help is not a weakness. Outside caregiving help can be provided at various levels. Caregivers at Golden Home Care can assist with bathing, toileting, light housekeeping, meals, exercise, wound care and more specialised medical attention right in the comfort of their own home.

Contact us to set up a consultation so that we can learn more about your situation.

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